Mistakes I Made For Him

"My life is always pretending, it's endessly ending with you"

I always seem to be coming back for you, without any reason, and I wonder why it is that I let you hurt me so badly. My scars are the shame. Your sweet words were always a lie. There was no reason for me to give you half of my life. You made me commit so many mistakes that have becomed my life's biggest regrets. I don't understand the feeling behind this all. Every word was fake. Lies is what I wanted to hear, I wanted to believe something that was never going to be said for me. I wanted to feel loved for a moment. I wanted to experience what it was like to love and be loved, but that only lasted so long. Those few days drew me into a fantasy, such fantasy I didn't want to get rid of. I know you are not worth any of these words, but you are the only thing that makes me realize how weak I truly am. There is no thing in this earth that makes me as weak as you do. You mess with my head, making you the only thought I have. The only words that come superflous are the ones that speak about this love, this inmense love that has been spoken of for years, and continously returning back again for more. I am the one that has been here all these years, waiting if you ever want to return. For a moment, I thought I was making myself stronger by giving up with this, and not thinking about any of this, but I couldn't even fool myself. I thought that now the time would take away these lonely tears. You always got what you wanted, wether it was me or not. Yet without you, I feel ready to take my life away.